I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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