does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
