Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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