Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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