i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
