We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
