I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
don't judge my taste in strippers
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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