Betty ford says i'm here all night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
