Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
