Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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