You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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