she woke up with a sticky ear
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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