Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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