ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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