Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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