the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry about my life...
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