@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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