I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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