For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
