Can i not drive my cunt home
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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