The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
