remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
