then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
