I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
