the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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