Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
