I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
