Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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