She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
