when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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