The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
