Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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