i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
