In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
