Dual....:-)
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
