If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
