Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
