I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
