it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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