im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize