Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
