I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
