I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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