Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize