you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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