o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
