Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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