Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize