Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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