i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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