I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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