I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize