My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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