Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
