Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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