Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
