I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
